One of the things being the Houston marriage counselor has taught me over the years is that our relationships don’t exist in a vacuum. Even if we try for a clean break or a new start or some other cliché (either in the same relationship or by beginning a new one), all of those things that we’ve gone through in our life up to that point are going to have their say—whether we want them to or not.
In the past I’ve written about how ending a relationship and moving on rather than working on the underlying problems is often pointless because those problems will just follow you. While true, the truth goes even deeper than that. Even within the same relationship, there is a “history” that develops and influences the present, and it’s happening every second of the day.
Houston Marriage Counselor: Our Living History
Let’s look at an example. You have a tough time remember to do chores, and your spouse frequently calls you on it. Over time, this has evolved into something with a lot of conflicting emotions—you feel ashamed and guilty for forgetting, sorry that you’re not living up to your partner’s expectations, and angry at both yourself for not being better and your partner for “nagging” you about it.
After about six months of this, “Did you remember to take out the trash?” is no longer a simple question with a yes or no answer. Before you reply, your mind runs through all of those strong, conflicting feelings and they’re bound to influence you. Do you lie? Yell? Sigh and go do it without answering?
This “living history” can affect any number of things that we do (or don’t do) on a daily basis, and over time it can cause us to need to seek out relationship help.
Get Relationship Help from the Houston Marriage Counselor
The best way to deal with this complex web of emotions is to talk it out, but sometimes even that can be tough after a certain point. Both of you will be bringing this kind of baggage with you to every conversation, and it’s hard to push it aside and really hear what the other person is saying. If you find yourself in this kind of situation, it might be time to get help from the Houston marriage counselor.
