Houston Relationship Counseling: The Value of a Hug

In my reading about Houston relationship counseling, I see a lot of articles on the significance of sex in a marriage. Of course sex is an important way to connect with your partner, but it isn’t the only way we have to feel close to one another. I think other forms of affection are not given enough attention. For example, what about the simple act of hugging?

Houston Relationship Counseling: Hug at Least Once a Day

A hug can go a long way toward making you feel emotionally attached to your partner. In fact, couples who regularly hug and cuddle report that they are more satisfied with their marriage than those that don’t.

When we cuddle, our body releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone, which helps us to feel comfort, security, and companionship. This helps us to feel more relaxed and safe with our partner.

In Houston relationship counseling with couples who are seeking marriage help for their sex lives, I often recommend starting to reconnect through hugging and other forms of touch, such as holding hands or snuggling while watching TV. These actions can help you to feel more comfortable physically around one another.

Start by making a commitment to hug each other – every day – for at least 30 seconds. Then over time, find more ways to bring physical touch into your marriage. You may be surprised by the benefits it brings to all aspects of your relationship, from your sex life to conflict resolution.

If you are struggling with a lack of intimacy in your relationship, I encourage you to seek Houston relationship counseling for help.

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Houston Marriage Counselor: Tips for Having More Sex

As the Houston marriage counselor, I hear complaints all the time from clients feeling like they’re not having enough sex: “We’re just not as intimate as we used to be,” “She’s never interested,” or “He says he’s too stressed.” If you feel like sex and passion are missing from your relationship, here is some relationship advice that my Houston marriage counselor clients have found helpful.

Have sex earlier. Too many people buy into the idea that sex has to be an end-of-day activity. The problem is, after work and kids (and probably TV and reading) a lot of people just end up feeling too tired. There’s a simple solution, though: change your routine. Have sex in the morning. Or as soon as you get home. As a bonus, doing it when you’re still awake will likely make it more energetic and more fun!

Compromise your body clocks for twice as much sex. Research has shown that men are generally more ready to go in the morning, whereas women tend to hit their peak in the evening. Often this will lead to arguing between couples, but my solution is to say that you’re both right – make a rule that you’ll have morning sex at least once a week and do the same for evening sex. Not only do you both get what you want, you might just find that you have sex more often because of it!

Communicate to get what you want. Sometimes people start having sex less because they don’t get exactly what they need from their partner. Unfortunately, hearing that you aren’t the best lover to your partner can be a knock to the ego, so my relationship advice is to give positive reinforcement. When your partner does something you like, make sure he or she knows, and try to lead them to similar activities by praising the good they are doing.

It doesn’t always have to be special. I can’t tell you how many of my Houston marriage counselor clients will complain of times when their wife refused them sex because she hadn’t shaved. Or their husband begged off because he hadn’t showered that day. And this is often after they were both getting hot and heavy with each other – and then one of them suddenly backed off. A bit of free relationship advice: if you’re both into it, go for it! Wanting it to be special is great, but in a long term relationship, that just isn’t realistic all the time.

Schedule sex. I know it doesn’t sound romantic, but there are times when our lives are so busy that to get what we went, we’re going to have to plan for it and work to make sure it happens. Think of it as a shorter and more cut-to-the-chase version of date night.

Eat well and exercise. As we get older, it’s common for us to gain a few extra pounds and lose muscle tone, but unfortunately these things can make us feel less attractive, and that feeling can make us uncomfortable with the idea of sex. One surefire way to jumpstart your sex life and improve your overall quality of life is to make an effort to improve your diet and exercise more. You’ll feel more confident, and your spouse will feel like he or she is getting a new you.

If you are having trouble with intimacy in your relationship, I encourage you to seek help with the Houston marriage counselor.

UPCOMING EVENT: Group Therapy groups are forming for the week of March 13th: Couples, Men, and High School Students (coed). For specifics, please contact Damian Duplechain, Certified Group Psychotherapist.

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Kiss (Better) for a Better Relationship, Says the Houston Marriage Therapist

As the Houston marriage therapist, many clients come to me with intimacy issues, but kissing most often isn’t the first thing on their minds. In fact, most couples tend to disregard kissing as an important part of their relationship, seeing it as more of an appetizer when what they really want is the main course. Because of this, they end up having fewer makeout sessions as their relationship goes on.

Experts, however, say that when couples kiss more often, it improves intimacy and helps them to communicate romantically. Kissing is both a way of expressing love and of letting your partner know that there’s a lot more where that came from!

Their relationship advice is not only to kiss more often, but to share with your significant other the things you like (and dislike) about kissing so that you can improve the way that kissing helps you connect. Everyone has their own pet peeves and turn-ons, but there are a number of general dos and don’ts that apply to most people.

The Houston Marriage Therapist Offers Tips to Improve Your Kissing

One of the biggest complaints I get from Houston marriage therapist clients who are going through a down period in their relationship is that they feel like they’re stuck in a rut. There’s no spice or variety.

Lack of variety is also the top kissing complaint from both sexes, so my relationship advice is to change it up – both in the physical sense of how and where you kiss and in the intent behind the kiss. This means…

Kiss all over. Lips are great, but many partners also enjoy being kissed on the ears, neck, and different parts of their face. Talk to them about what turns them on and makes them feel loved.

Put your body into it. Remember, you’re trying to show the depth of your feelings and say there’s more to come with your kisses. Use your hands to pull your spouse close. Allow your bodies to gently touch.

 

Don’t be too aggressive. One of the biggest pet peeves for many people, especially women, is that their partners kiss too aggressively, with probing tongues. Remember, this is an expression of love, not a domination.

Let a kiss be a kiss. While you want your kissing to hint that there’s more to come, that doesn’t mean that the goal of every kiss should be sex. In fact, your kissing will become much more satisfying and intimate if you allow yourselves to kiss and makeout for kissing’s sake. If both of you know that it’s only a prelude – or an appetizer to the main course – you’re far less likely to put effort into it.

If kissing is too uncomfortable for either of you because of frustrations or hurts, then start with non-sexual touching, such as a hug or simply holding hands.  You can always build on things, but it’s essential to always have emotional safety as the top priority, even as you challenge yourself to “stretch” into a less-than-comfortable activity with your partner.

For more relationship advice on how to improve intimacy, stop in and talk with the Houston marriage therapist today.

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Houston Marriage Counseling: How to Avoid a Sexless Marriage

Many couples come to Houston marriage counseling to discuss issues with intimacy. Over time, many have lost their connection with one another and that has resulted in a sexless marriage. In fact, 15 to 20 percent of couples are in a sexless marriage, according to Newsweek. There are a number of reasons why this happens, but the good news is that it’s something that is possible to prevent.  ­­Here are a few relationship tips for ­­keeping the love alive in your marriage.

5 Relationship Tips to Maintaining Intimacy in Your Marriage

Stay in touch. Literally. At times when you can’t be intimate, which may be because of medical issues or schedules, you can still keep the love alive by holding hands, sharing kisses, and cuddling. Staying in the habit of practicing physical affection will make it more likely for you to start having sex when you can again.

Schedule sex. When I suggest this in Houston marriage counseling, many couples say it doesn’t sound very romantic, but that doesn’t have to be the case, and it works well for some couples, especially those who have different levels of libido or busy schedules. Find a frequency that works for both of you. You may have to meet in the middle. Then you can find ways to make it romantic by planning a dinner date or surprising your spouse with rose petals on the bed. Just because you know the date and time doesn’t mean you can’t find ways to make it special.

Talk to your doctor. It can be embarrassing to talk about your lack of sexual desire, but you may find there’s a medical cause that can be easily cured. The longer you put it off, the worse it will be for your relationship.

Stay fit. One of the main reasons people stop being interested in sex is because of their own insecurities about their body. And being overweight can also cause you to have less energy for sex. You can prevent this by finding exercises that you enjoy. Even better, search for an activity you can enjoy together, such as playing tennis or hiking.

Communicate. Another common complaint I see in Houston marriage counseling is fighting, and couples who are angry with one another are more likely to avoid sex. Keep your sex life alive by learning better ways to work through your problems and being open, honest, and respectful.

If you are in a sexless marriage, I encourage you to get help in Houston marriage counseling.

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