Learn How to Handle Anger from the Houston Marriage Counselor

In my years as the Houston marriage counselor, I’ve learned that unchecked anger and the fights caused by it can be one of the most detrimental forces a relationship can face. While some anger is natural and healthy, using it to get your point across or – worse – simply to hurt your partner can leave lasting scars. But how do you get your partner to realize what their anger is doing to you? Or – if you’re the one with trouble controlling anger – how do you stop yourself? You need relationship help from the Houston marriage counselor.

What do we think anger accomplishes? Some people feel driven to anger by their partner, that they are causing the behavior. And they think that if their partner knows how upset they are, the partner might act differently in the future. They may also believe that the anger will make their partner feel the same hurt they do and this will cause them to change.

However, as the Houston marriage counselor, I can tell you that this feeling is more about subconsciously wanting to control and manipulate your partner than anything else. Worse: it doesn’t work. Instead of anger making the other person feel remorse, it often brings out feelings of returned anger or frustration, or can make your partner grow distant. If this is happening with your partner, you may need relationship help.

The Houston Marriage Counselor Talks about How to Control Your Anger

The person who has trouble controlling his or her anger has to accept that they have control over their actions. That’s the first thing. That regardless of what their partner is doing, they are allowing themselves to become angry and have the power to stop it, because anger will only escalate the argument. The next thing to do is something that can be practiced by both people in a relationship; when a fight starts to drive either of you to anger, stop the argument and try to talk calmly, without attacking each other.

Also: listen. Sometimes we start to get angry before the words are even our of our partner’s mouth because we think we already know what they’re going to say and we want to cut it off ahead of time. However, if we take a deep breath, stop, and listen to each other, often the arguments and the anger will just fade away as we realize that we jumped to conclusions or didn’t understand where our partner was coming from.

I tell my clients that wanting to change is the most important step. Until the person with the problem actually wants to get help, there’s not a whole lot that can be done. If you or a loved one needs help controlling anger and are ready to deal with it, call the Houston marriage counselor today.

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Houston Relationship Counseling Can Help You Overcome Disagreements in Child-Rearing

In my Houston relationship counseling practice, I’ve found that one of the biggest disagreements couples can have is on how to raise their children. Perhaps one parent comes from a strict background and the other was raised with lots of freedom. Or you’re religious and your partner isn’t; this was never an issue between the two of you before, but now you disagree over the involvement of religion in your children’s lives. Or you hate guns, but your partner grew up in a family that hunted and wants your children to learn proper gun safety. Whatever might be causing the friction, differences in how each of you wants to raise your children can cause significant relationship issues not only for the two of you, but your children as well.

Child-rearing is potentially such a big part of any couple’s life that I often even bring it up with my clients in Houston relationship counseling who don’t yet have children. I do this because many couples don’t think that far in advance or know how to ask each other the right questions when talk of children comes up, but the best way to avoid future relationship issues is to understand exactly what each of you are getting into. This way, when you get to that point in your child’s life, you should already know how each of you will respond and have come to an agreement. Unfortunately, some people simply never get around to really talking about child-rearing until they’re already in the middle of doing it.

Houston Relationship Counseling: Show a United Front in Child-Rearing

If parenting doesn’t teach you this, I’m happy to do so in Houston relationship counseling: by age 3, kids become very savvy about playing one parent against the other to get what they want. What this means is that you can’t show signs of disagreement when you are around them. If something they want to do causes either of you hesitation, that parent needs to speak and say something like “we need to discuss that” before any kind of acquiescence is made. Then go someplace where your children can’t hear you and hash it out together. As with anything else, listen to each other and try to understand where the other person is coming from.

Compromise. Chances are slim that you will agree on absolutely everything, but you need to at least be able to come to some kind of accord for your child. If, after doing this, you still find yourselves at odds on how to bring up your child, seek out Houston relationship counseling.

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Houston Marriage Counselor: How to Be a Supportive Spouse during Pregnancy

As the Houston marriage counselor, I’ve had the joy of working with many couples as they go through a pregnancy. This can be an exciting time, but it’s also often one full of stress and anxiety, particularly for the mother. The relationship advice I offer to fathers-to-be is to be supportive in any way they can. It will not only help your wife’s mental health but also be beneficial to the health of the baby and your relationship.

Help out with housework. Has your wife suddenly started to let her usual chores slide? It’s likely because she’s feeling more fatigue than usual. Look for ways you can chip in. Ask if there are any responsibilities you can take over. Consider calling her after work to see if you can pick up anything on your way home. These little gestures can go a long way towards making your partner feel more relaxed during her pregnancy.

Be patient. Your wife’s body is going through a whole host of changes to prepare for the baby, and her hormones are running the show. She may be anxious about every new sensation she’s experiencing, and suddenly everything from eating to exercising is worrisome. What’s safe for the baby? What’s dangerous? Expect mood swings, and do your best not to take them personally or make the situation worse.

Get informed. Has your wife bought a baby book and subscribed to a pregnancy website? Maybe you should, too. Understanding more about what she is going through can help you to be a more supportive partner and find other ways to help her through the process. And who knows? Maybe the next time she frets about a symptom, you’ll be able to chime in with a fact that relieves a little of her anxiety.

Listen. More than anything, your wife might just need someone to talk to about what’s going on with her, especially in the early stages when you may not have told anyone else. Make it a priority to be there for her when she needs to talk. Consider checking in on her during the day to make sure everything’s going alright.

Be positive. If your partner is really struggling with anxiety over finances, the baby’s health, or other issues, do what you can to help ease her mind. That doesn’t mean you can’t share the fears you have, but choose your timing wisely and try to put the focus on solutions rather than problems. Let her know that you are 100% behind this pregnancy. Share your excitement. But also make sure she understands that you’re there for her if anything goes wrong. You can get through it together.

Consider talking to the Houston marriage counselor. Starting a family is a huge life-changing event, and even if you already have a child, adding a new one will put additional stress on your relationship. You don’t have to go through it alone. Call our offices to get relationship advice from the Houston marriage counselor.

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Learn How to Really Listen in Houston Relationship Counseling

In my Houston relationship counseling sessions, I work with couples to improve their listening skills. This is an important step to developing better communication and can make a big difference when it comes to resolving relationship problems. If you’re not really listening to your partner’s point-of-view, how can you possibly reach a compromise?

Don’t jump to anger. When your partner is saying something negative, whether it’s about you or not, it’s a common reaction to get angry. But this gets in the way of problem solving. You may be assuming something that your partner didn’t even say! Take a few deep breaths, and ask for a break if you need one.

Ask questions instead of making statements. Your goal should be to get an understanding of your partner’s point-of-view on the problem at hand. If you spend most of the time explaining and defending your view of the matter, you’re not learning about how your partner is feeling.

Let your partner say something you disagree with. Hold back that impulse to correct your partner, even if you just know it’s wrong or have the perfect counterpoint. The goal isn’t winning. It’s understanding.

Don’t multi-task. Don’t check your email, watch TV, or even think about what you’re going to say next. Give your partner 100% of your attention, just like you would if you were in a Houston relationship counseling session.

Repeat things back. This is a great way to let your partner know that you’re really listening to what he or she has to say. It can feel a little awkward at first, but over time, it will become more natural.

Work on Listening Skills in Houston Relationship Counseling

Listening to someone else doesn’t mean you agree with them. You can still have an opportunity to share your opinion, but now you’ll have a better understanding and sensitivity to your partner’s point of view. You can work through your marriage and relationship problems together rather than as adversaries. If you are struggling with your listening skills, I highly recommend seeking Houston relationship counseling.

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