Houston Relationship Counselor: Don’t Vent to Friends, Talk with Your Spouse

You don’t have to be a Houston relationship counselor to know that everyone gets frustrated with their spouse now and then. It’s a normal part of being in a relationship, but how you handle this annoyance can make a big difference in the future of your marriage. Do you tend to simply call up a friend to dish some dirt? Or maybe you get together with a few buddies over some drinks to swap horror stories about your spouses? Venting your anger may make you feel good for a few minutes, but in the long run, it can harm your relationship.

Houston Relationship Counselor Shares the Ways That Venting Can Harm Your Marriage

One of the best pieces of marriage advice I can give couples is to learn forgiveness. We all make mistakes, and we all have flaws. It can be hard to “forgive and forget” if you are frequently sharing your partner’s errors with others. In fact, it can make you focus on them more, and over time, the problems can seem bigger than they are. You can actually feel more miserable or upset about your relationship than you would otherwise. Instead, try focusing on the positive things in your marriage, because it can actually make you happier.

Another major downfall of venting to friends is that you may not actually be communicating to the person who needs to know about your frustrations: your spouse. How will things ever get better if your partner doesn’t even know what’s bothering you?

Find ways to talk about your problems in an open but respectful way. If you are having trouble talking things through, seek help from the Houston relationship counselor.

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The Houston Relationship Counselor: Make Your Vacations Stress-Free

As the Houston relationship counselor, I know that couples face stressors on their relationship every day. Work pulls you in one direction, while your spouse pulls you in another. Issues with kids, in-laws, or even just friends can feel like they are plotting to sabotage your relationship, but you know that if you can just get away, things will be better.

Unfortunately, I know from talking to many of my clients that trying to plan that perfect vacation can cause just as much stress in your relationship as anything else. The best marriage advice I can give you is to remember why you want to take the vacation in the first place: to relax and spend time together. There are, however, specific things you can do to ease the amount of vacation stress you’re experiencing.

Plan Now to Ease Stress Later, Says the Houston Relationship Counselor

Another bit of marriage advice that fits almost any situation: plan ahead to make situations less stressful. As the Houston relationship counselor, I find that most of my clients complain of feeling stress over travel problems, fears about needing to check in at their workplace, and what to do with – or how to get away from – the kids.

Travel stress. The best way to avoid waking up in the middle of the night before your vacation, terrified that you forgot to pack something, or getting excited about your destination only to end up stuck in a traffic jam that lasts hours is to plan ahead. Create a list of what you need on the trip and check things off. Utilize GPS devices or internet mapping programs to plot your route in advance and look for detours. You should also bring games and snacks to make the journey more entertaining just in case you do get stuck.

The work umbilical. Did you know various studies show that almost a quarter of the population works during their vacation? Talk about adding stress on top of stress. As human beings, we need boundaries between work time and rejuvenation time, and most employers know this and would rather have happy, healthy, productive workers. Well before leaving for vacation, create a plan with your boss about how things will run while you’re gone and how much (or little, hopefully) you plan to check in. Do your best to stick to this plan and refrain from checking your email.

Family vacation. If you and your spouse are stressed from taking care of the kids, a vacation can be just the thing you need to relax – but only if you pick the right kind of trip, with lots of activities for the little ones. Again, do your research ahead of time and see what kinds of things are available for the children so that you and your partner can kick back knowing the kids are safe and entertained. Depending on the type of vacation you’re planning, you might even be able to sign the kids up for activities ahead of time so that they have a ready-made schedule before you even leave your house!

If you and your significant other still find vacation stress causing problems in your marriage, contact the Houston relationship counselor today.

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Houston Marriage Counselor: Why You Should Have Dinner Together Every Day

For many couples and families, preparing and eating dinner is an experience that is rushed through every day. You have so many other things on your schedule and chores to complete that it just becomes about making sure everyone gets fed. But your marriage and your family can benefit if you make a point to slow down a bit every day and have dinner together.

Houston Marriage Counselor: Cook and Eat Together as a Family

Preparing the meal together can help build teamwork. You can either work together in the kitchen or switch off who’s the cook for the day. And do the same thing for the clean-up. If one person cooks, the other cleans. And if you both cook together, you can both clean together.

As you work together, you’ll be practicing your communication skills, something I work with many couples on as the Houston marriage counselor. These skills will transfer over into other areas in your life, helping you to prevent relationship issues. When it comes time to eat, that’s another important opportunity to connect. Be sure to turn off your cell phone and TV. The idea is to talk about how your day went, what you have planned for the next day, and to stay in tune with each other’s interests and needs. If you have kids, this is also a great time to keep in touch with what’s going on in their lives, as well as an opportunity to model good table manners and social skills.

Preparing and enjoying food together can also be a sensual experience that can put you in the mood to be intimate. Every now and then, make dinner a romantic occasion. Send the kids away, light some candles, and put on some relaxing music.

As the Houston relationship counselor, I also stress the importance of developing friendship together. Sharing friends is a great way to stay connected, so invite other couples over to join you for a meal.

Making dinner time a priority rather than another item to check off of your list can help you to stay connected to one another. If you feel you are beginning to drift apart, the best thing you can do for the continued health of your relationship is to address it early. Contact the Houston marriage counselor for help.

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Houston Relationship Counselor on the Importance of Kindness in a Marriage

As the Houston relationship counselor, I can tell you that one of the keys to a healthy, long-lasting marriage is kindness. It may seem obvious, but many couples simply don’t practice it. At the start of the relationship, we are often kind to each other without even thinking about it, but as the honeymoon stage ends, we start to take each other for granted. Luckily, you can change that!

Tips from the Houston Relationship Counselor for Bringing the Kindness Back

Talk to each other. It’s simple enough, right? Just make a point to check in with your partner every day. Ask him or her how their day went. Find out about their plans for the next day. Take an interest in their needs and desires, and learn about their life. Considering making it an “appointment” every day – maybe in the morning before work or before you go to bed. Staying connected to one another can go a long way toward preventing relationship problems.

Do a favor for your partner. Do a chore or run an errand that’s normally your partner’s responsibility. If your partner seems particularly frazzled after a long day at work or dealing with the kids, ask what you can do to help or alleviate some of the stress. These are the kinds of things you do for friends, so do them for your spouse as well.

Surprise your partner. Does your spouse have a favorite meal? Cook it up or purchase it from the store without telling them what you plan to do. Or sign both of you up to participate in an activity your partner enjoys or wants to try. Show your partner your love – even when it’s not a holiday or your anniversary.

Compliment your partner. It’s likely you told your spouse how beautiful his smile is or how gorgeous she looks in that dress while you were dating, but with the distractions of day-to-day life, you may not be taking the time to really appreciate your partner.

Forgive your partner. As the Houston relationship counselor, I see a lot of couples who focus on the negative, but one of the strongest forms of kindness you can practice for your spouse is forgiveness. No one’s perfect, so have a little compassion for the fact that your partner makes mistakes.

Also, I thought you might find this marriage/relationship paper and the NY Times article on generosity interesting.

If you are having relationship problems, you can learn more ways to bring kindness back into your marriage by working with the Houston relationship counselor.

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