Communication in Marriage: How to Admit You’re Wrong

Good communication in marriage is crucial to having a healthy relationship, and one of the hardest things can be admitting you were wrong after an argument with your partner. We’ve all been there – and most of us probably many, many times.

The argument starts with something seemingly insignificant – say, your spouse tells you that a trash bag will break, but you ignore them until garbage has spilled everywhere. Because you’ve read my Houston relationship counselor blogs and perhaps subscribe to the FREE monthly newsletter, you know that communication in marriage is important and bark out something in the neighborhood of, “Fine, you were right, I’m sorry.”

Much to your surprise, your significant other doesn’t smile and tell your everything’s okay, but shake their head and look more annoyed. Uh-oh. You apologized? What’s their problem? Suddenly you find yourself engaged in a yelling match with your spouse and you’re wondering how it got to this point and why you’re so mad.

Communication in Marriage: Apologies Need to Be Sincere

That may seem like the most obvious statement ever, but too often in my Houston relationship counselor practice, I witness clients apologizing to each other when they are clearly still angry, and it comes across in their tone and word choice.

Communication in marriage isn’t something that should just be done on remote control. It needs to be real and genuine, and sometimes this might mean that you need to step back and think about what’s really bothering you before attempting to offer an apology, even if you know that you were wrong. Many times, when we screw something up, we end up feeling shame and embarrassment, and if we’re still feeling those things when we apologize, they can come across to our significant others as anger, annoyance, or a lack of sincerity.

Sometimes, Real Love is eating crow, admitting you were wrong or offering a sincere apology.  It is also being mature enough to generously receive a sincere effort by our spouse or partner to repair things. It is only when you have moved past those feelings of shame and embarrassment that you will be able to genuinely take responsibility for your actions without making excuses, ask for forgiveness, and work to make things right. But taking the extra effort is worth it for improved communication in marriage.

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Couples Counseling in Houston: Relationships Need Boundaries for Technology

In my work couples counseling in Houston, when one partner comes to me complaining about the other’s addiction to technology, the natural reaction I often get is for the accused partner to become defensive. They are not on all the time, that’s crazy. Why hasn’t their partner told them about this problem? They can’t just turn their phone off, they need it for work! This defensiveness comes from them feeling accused, and can cause even more marriage problems.

Instead, they need to understand how their overdependence on technology is making their partner feel: alone, abandoned, hurt. Rather than defensive, this is more likely to make them feel concerned and receptive to ideas. I do not, however, recommend suggesting “unplugging,” because technology can be like a lot of other addictions, and the threat of taking it away often brings those defenses back up.

Couples Counseling in Houston: How to Reach a Compromise

The compromise that I tend to offer is that the couple instead schedules in time for each other, and during this time neither one of them is allowed to let technology interrupt (outside of emergencies, of course).

In addition to this, I try to suggest ways that the couple can use technology together, such as a multiplayer game where they’ll still get to spend time together. Over time, you’ll both begin to feel more a part of each other’s worlds.

If you have trouble talking about these marriage problems or setting boundaries for technology, I encourage you to seek help in couples counseling in Houston.

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Houston Marriage Counselor: Are You Married to Technology?

Relationship problems can come from any number of sources – cheating, fighting, lying, preferring to spend time with your friends rather than your spouse. But when I began my work as the Houston marriage counselor, I never thought that a boyfriend would be complaining that his girlfriend had a better relationship with her phone, or a wife “not seeing” her husband because of video games.

We live in a technologically marvelous time. But with instant access to the internet and other forms of entertainment 24/7 for a lot of us, it can sometimes be difficult to unplug. In fact, we often get so used to the need to update our status and check our email, or the ability to play games and read instantaneous news whenever we want while moving through our daily lives that we don’t even realize how often we’re doing it.

Houston Marriage Counselor: Don’t Choose Technology over Your Partner

Where this becomes a problem in relationships is when one partner can’t put his or her phone down when the couple is supposed to be trying to decompress after a long day. Or if a partner decompresses by immediately turning on the game console when they get home and allowing themselves to get immersed in the latest big-budget deathmatch for hours.

It’s pretty difficult to connect with each other when one of you is laser focused on the visceral thrills of an online shooter or distracted by the need to “check in” at the restaurant or post to everyone but your significant other about how your day went. These are the kinds of things that lead to marriage problems.

If you are having trouble talking about marriage problems related to technology, I encourage you to schedule an appointment to meet with me, the Houston marriage counselor, for help.

UPCOMING EVENT: Group Therapy groups are forming for the week of March 13th: Couples, Men, and High School Students (coed). For specifics, please contact Damian Duplechain, Certified Group Psychotherapist.

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