Houston Marriage Counselor: Things to Discuss As You Approach Retirement

The years after retirement are often referred to as “golden,” but as the Houston marriage counselor, I know that many couples’ entry into retirement is anything but. It’s all too easy for couples used to spending the majority of their time leading separate lives to find their relationships strained by the stress of such a drastic change. The best relationship advice I can give is that the key to easing the transition from working life to retirement years is to thoroughly discuss all aspects of your retirement plan with your partner.

Retirement Discussion Topics from the Houston Marriage Counselor

It can be easy to overlook key areas when trying to talk to your partner about impending retirement. Consider the following questions as you work to clarify the priorities and vision that you and your spouse have for your retirement years.

When to Retire – The most important question revolves around when each of you will finally clock out. Does one partner need to work a little longer in order to be eligible for a better pension or benefits? Will you feel strange if you stop working before your partner, or vice versa? Get these issues out in the open, or you may end up feeling resentment and bitterness over the subject of who is or isn’t working.

Where to Retire – Although this one might seem like a no-brainer, as the Houston marriage counselor I’ve seen plenty of couples derailed by the simple question of where to live after ending work. One partner may want to move to a sunny location or closer to far-away family members, while the other may not be able to fathom the idea of leaving a close-knit social network. Both concerns are equally valid and need to be thoroughly discussed.

Financials – Ideally, you’ll have figured out a retirement plan well before it comes time to hang up that briefcase. But if you haven’t, sit down with your spouse and a financial advisor ASAP to determine how your savings stand and how much income you’ll need to sustain yourselves in the years after work ends.

The Day-to-day – With both partners suddenly at home together, all day and every day, it’s no wonder that many couples find themselves tense and irritated by the sudden change in routine. It’s easy run into problems when one partner expects to spend their golden years leisurely while the other plans to take up a previously unexplored career or begin a rich volunteer schedule. Neither you nor your partner will be happy if you don’t take the time to discuss what your daily lives will look like.

If at any point you or your spouse becomes overwhelmed at the task of broaching these often difficult questions, make an appointment with the Houston marriage counselor for relationship advice to make your retirement truly “golden.”

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Houston Marriage Counseling Gives You 5 New Ideas for Date Night

One piece of relationship advice I find myself offering my Houston marriage counseling clients over and over again is to make date night a priority! Making time to focus on your relationship is important.

But over time, even date night can seem like a routine. While there’s certainly nothing wrong with establishing a tradition – in fact, that can be a great thing – it’s also a good idea to change it up a bit now and then. Having new experiences together can help you feel connected. That’s why I came up with this list of simple ideas for my Houston marriage counseling clients who feel like they are in a rut.

New Date Night Ideas from Houston Marriage Counseling

Try a new restaurant. Simple, but effective. Try out that new trendy place everyone’s talking about, or get adventurous and try a foreign cuisine you’ve never had before. You’ll quickly realize that it isn’t just about the flavor of the food. The new experience will be what actually adds the spice back into your relationship.

A one-night vacation. I often hear complaints from couples about not having a chance to go away together. Her work load is too great. There’s nobody to watch the kids for a week – or a weekend. My relationship advice is: how about a one night vacation? You don’t even have to leave town. Just book a room at a nice local hotel, spend the day doing things you normally wouldn’t, and take your mind off your daily grind.

Movie night in the park. “Go to a movie” may sound like boring advice, but it often depends on how you do it. In most cities, organizations put on events that show older movies in public places like parks. Los Angeles even has a movie series that plays in a cemetery where many stars rest. Bring a blanket and a bottle of wine, and you can have a film night under the stars.

Anything fun and competitive. The longer we’re around each other and the older we get, the more we tend to ignore active and competitive activities. Want to rekindle your youthful passion for each other? Try mini-golf, go-karts, or even just board games at home. Let yourselves act and feel young again.

Go to a sporting event. Instead of competing, why not attend a competition? You’re part of a lively crowd, rooting together for a common goal. I always find that this is a great way to bring people together.

If you need more thoughts on how to bring some more excitement to your relationship, Houston marriage counseling is happy to help.

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Houston Relationship Counselor’s Guide to Keeping Your Sex Life Alive After Children

As a Houston relationship counselor, a very common topic that I discuss with my clients is how having a child affects their relationship. We all know that having a child brings a lot of happiness, but it also brings added stresses that can cause marriage problems.

Many couples end up feeling overwhelmed by their new bundle of joy. They are exhausted from late-night feedings. They are stressed from the financial strains that a new baby brings. There’s little or no time to relax. As a result, their sex life suffers.

Take Back Your Post-Child Sex Life, Tips from a Houston Relationship Counselor

Remember romance. Working as a Houston relationship counselor, I find that couples too often forget how important romance is for a relationship. This can especially be true when there are kids in the house. Make your spouse feel wanted and loved. It can be as simple as a dozen roses for no reason, or as intricate as a romantic dinner followed by a night in a fancy hotel while the grandparents watch the baby.

Be spontaneous. I know having a routine seems like a necessity after having a child, and in a lot of ways, it is. But that doesn’t mean you can’t toss it away for a few hours and have a couple’s adventure. You wouldn’t believe how much energy can be injected back into your sex life after a quick trip to that amusement park you went to on your first date. Just make sure you set up a sitter in advance.

Communicate. Find out why your partner doesn’t want to be intimate more often. It may be something as common as a wife feeling unsure of her post-birth body, or a husband feeling like he is an inadequate father. But if you communicate your issues to each other, everyone will feel more comfortable in the bedroom.

Avoid kid talk. Obviously, your child is a very important part of your lives, and it’s crucial that you communicate about him or her. But that doesn’t need to be the only thing you talk about. When you have some alone time as a couple, make a point to talk about the things you used to talk about before your new child was in the picture.

If you find you need more help with your post-baby marriage problems, don’t be afraid to seek advice from a Houston relationship counselor.

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Houston Marriage Counseling: How 15 Minutes Can Make a Difference in your Relationship

Many of the clients I work with in Houston marriage counseling have busy, busy lives. They’re juggling long work hours as well as childcare and household responsibilities, and as a result they often neglect to spend enough time tending to the health of their marriage! The idea of trying to find time to have a weekend getaway or trying to arrange for a sitter to have a date night can sometimes seem impossible.

But what about carving out just 15 minutes a day for your significant other? That seems possible, right?

Houston Marriage Counseling: Recent Study Says 15 Minutes May Be Enough

A recent study from Suzanne Bartle-Haring, Ph.D., at Ohio State University, looked at thousands of couples and found that 15 minutes a day was all it took to maintain and improve your relationship. How you spend that time is up to you! You can take a quick coffee break together during the work day or spend time talking in bed before you fall asleep at night.

The key is to remain consistent. Make a daily commitment to meeting (or exceeding!) those fifteen minutes of time connecting as a couple. Turn off your cell phones and laptops. Forget the chores. Simply engage with one another. Find out about your spouse’s day or just have a good time!

Remember, the investment you put into your relationship now will prevent bigger relationship problems in the long run. If you are struggling to connect, you may want to consider seeking help in Houston marriage counseling.

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