Archive for category: Relationship Advice

You don’t have to be the Houston marriage counselor to know that depression causes serious negative effects in a person. They become less engaged in the world, convinced in their lack of self-worth, and may even consider ending it all. Anyone suffering from depression should immediately seek one-on-one help from a qualified medical professional.

What most people don’t consider when thinking about depression, though, is how the condition affects everyone around the depressed person. If you are married or dating, it can cause serious relationship issues between you and your significant other – especially if one or both of you don’t realize that you’re suffering from depression.

Ways Depression Affects Relationships from the Houston Marriage Counselor

Just like every marriage is unique, so is every case of depression, and this means that the relationship issues it causes may be different for you and your spouse. There are, however, a number of symptoms that are common in most cases of serious depression, and they affect relationships in similar ways.

Withdrawal – leads to a loss of emotional intimacy. Depressed individuals are often so self-focused that they withdraw into themselves, only thinking about others when they are ruminating on the ways that they’ve failed them. This withdrawal means that both spouses start to feel less connected to each other, making the depression even worse.

Pervasive negativity – leads to a “why try” attitude. For a person suffering depression, bad things are awful, neutral things are bad, and good things might as well not have happened. It’s hard for the partner of a depressed individual to continue making helpful overtures when they feel like nothing they do is appreciated or makes a difference. Unfortunately, if they stop trying, it often causes the depression to get worse.

Loss of energy – leads to partner feeling overwhelmed and resentful. Depression can take a physical as well as an emotional toll, causing the sick individual to neglect chores and other work. This means that his or her partner has to pick up the slack, which over time can cause anger and resentment.

Shame and hiding – leads to a feeling of helplessness. Some people are so ashamed about their depression that they don’t want to talk to their loved ones about it – let alone a professional. This can cause their spouse to feel helpless in working to fix the problem and angry that their partner isn’t doing anything about it.

Notice that none of these listed mentioned divorce, but that doesn’t mean that divorce isn’t a very real concern. It’s just that depression doesn’t cause divorce – not dealing with the depression does. If you or a loved one is suffering from depression, seek help, and consider talking to the Houston marriage counselor to deal with the relationship problems it causes.

As the Houston relationship therapist, I’ve learned how to identify an unhappy couple within moments simply by observing the body language of both partners. The signs of a failing relationship become especially apparent when a couple argues. Some experts say that body language is 90% of communication, so if you’re displaying any combative body language – even if you’re not arguing – your partner will definitely pick up on it, and a fight may ensue. If you were already fighting, your body language will most certainly escalate the situation.

But by identifying common examples of argumentative body language, you can learn to stay calm and temper your reaction to your partner, with the ultimate result of fewer marriage problems and a healthier relationship.

Houston Relationship Therapist: Common Examples of Argumentative Body Language

There are several emotions communicated by the body that can lead to or exacerbate a couple’s fights. Frustration and anger are the most obvious. If you’re breathing heavily, pointing with your index finger, wringing your hands, or rubbing your temples, you’re telling your partner that you’re mad. Extreme examples include throwing or kicking objects in the room. If you find yourself displaying any of these frustration indicators, remove yourself from the argument until you can calm down and identify what exactly is making you so angry. Don’t re-enter the situation until you are back in control of yourself.

Body language that displays contempt is just as bad. It can take a fight from zero to sixty in seconds flat. You might find yourself rolling your eyes, shaking your head, or even sneering. Contempt of your partner is a serious problem, and if you’ve been feeling this way, then you would almost certainly benefit from talking about your marriage problems with a qualified professional like the Houston relationship therapist.

Defensiveness is another emotion that commonly comes up during couples’ fights. If you’re crossing your arms or legs, moving or turning away from your partner, shrinking your shoulders and avoiding eye contact, or putting a hand or object between you and your partner, you’re probably feeling defensive. When you find yourself exhibiting these behaviors, make a conscious effort to open yourself up, even if your partner really is attacking you.

The final emotion commonly demonstrated by body language in arguments is boredom. Closely related to contempt, you’re telling your partner that you’re not interested – even if you’re not talking – when you hum, doodle, or write while your partner is talking, stare into space, or drum your fingers. There’s no quicker way to detonate a relationship than to stop caring about your partner’s thoughts and emotions, so seek relationship help immediately if you find yourself displaying any of these boredom indicators.

Identifying combative body language is only the first step in improving your relationship with your partner. There’s no substitute for qualified marriage counseling, so if you find yourself in constant fights, seek help the Houston relationship therapist as soon as you can.