Houston Marriage Therapy: Should Your Spouse Be Your Best Friend?

In Houston marriage therapy, I see a lot of people who come in for sessions because they don’t feel they are close enough to their spouse. Perhaps they don’t talk enough, or they don’t spend much time together devoted to just their relationship. Often, my advice is fairly simple: do those things!

In my experience, relationship issues crop up and become exacerbated when we’re not around each other all that much. What do I mean by that? Well, let’s say that you and your spouse only get “together” time three or four times a month – and I’m not even talking sexual, just time that you use to focus on the relationship. If just one of those experiences turns out bad, then a quarter of your time together has been tainted.

However, if you interact more often and do more things together, really sharing your life with your spouse and making them your go-to person whether you need to talk about something, require help, or just want to have fun (e.g. your best friend), the negative will be outweighed by the positive.

At least, that’s always been my belief. But recently I read an article by a counselor making the opposite argument – that relationship issues crop up when spouses are best friends because they have no other emotional outlet to turn to. He has a point, I admit. It’s certainly not wise to become so fused with your spouse that you have no one else to turn to – no one wants to be the vent for all of your frustrations 24/7, especially when they are likely the reason for some of them!

Houston Marriage Therapy: Best Friend Doesn’t Have to Mean “Only Friend”

But I believe there’s a bit of language confusion going on here. “Best friend” doesn’t have to mean “only friend” or that you have some kind of completely symbiotic relationship. Plenty of happy, healthy marriages involve couples with friends outside the marriage.

When your spouse is also your best friend, the point isn’t that they should always be the first person that you want to talk to or hang out with in the vast majority of situations. It means not only cultivating interests together and working on your communication skills so that you know how to handle a fight when one happens, but also being able to happily do things separate from each other so that neither one of you is threatened by this time apart and (surprise!) you have more to talk about when you come back together.

If you’ve tried these methods and still feel disconnected from your spouse, you might want to try Houston marriage therapy.

/by

New Parents May Find Themselves in Need of Houston Relationship Counseling

Here in Houston relationship counseling, I see lots of new parents come in asking for marriage help, and it doesn’t surprise me one bit. Even if statistics didn’t show that, within the first year of having their first child, a high percentage of couples are significantly less satisfied with their relationship, most people would probably think it a pretty obvious result.

After all, having a child turns your world upside down. Evenings that once were about friends or romance immediately turn into quieting a crying baby, seemingly endless feedings, and changing dirty diapers. If you have down time together, most likely you’d rather sleep than make an effort for the other person. And I haven’t even started talking about how that lack of sleep affects new parents, but I’m sure you can pretty easily guess.

With all of this going on, new parents tend to fight more often and care about each other’s needs less than before. While some of this is necessary to focus on the baby, over time it can lead to couples feeling frustrated and unloved and even seeking out marriage help.

Houston Relationship Counseling: Ways to Keep the Relationship Strong

While you can’t completely control how you’ll react to having a little bundle of joy disrupt your entire life, there are a number of things new parents can try to keep their relationship satisfaction from fading.

Set shifts with the baby. To no one’s surprise, a lot of relationship dissatisfaction comes when one parent is constantly losing sleep or trying to calm a fussy baby. Give each other breaks by setting up a schedule where you trade off on baby duties.

Make schedules and lists. Lots of chores fall by the wayside with a newborn, and when one or both of you are neglecting your duties, it can be enough to set off a firestorm of an argument. One way to alleviate this is to sit down together and make schedules and lists. Then check things off as you do them.

Use “pamper” cards. Because it’s so easy to neglect each other’s needs, I recommend each of you writing down things like “massage me,” “cook me dinner,” or even “feed the baby” and cashing them in when you absolutely need them. Obviously, there will be some situations where it’s just not possible for your partner to step in immediately, but at least these are a nice reminder that the baby isn’t the only one who needs to be taken care of a bit.

If you try these methods and still find yourself having trouble, you might want to check out Houston relationship counseling.

/by

Houston Relationship Counselor: Should You Make Your Partner Your Business Partner?

As the Houston relationship counselor, I deal a lot more with interpersonal matters than business topics, but all of that goes out the window when I counsel clients who combine the two. What am I talking about? People who go into business with their significant other.

Some of you are probably already shaking your heads, thinking that’s the craziest idea ever, but for others, it can really work well. The bond couples form when they work together goes beyond the relationship and encompasses the entirety of their life, allowing them to experience sides of each other they otherwise wouldn’t have known and truly binding them together. They tend to share more than other couples, and when something goes right in the business, it’s also a shared high in the relationship.

Unfortunately, the flip side of that coin is that literally and figuratively, all of your fortunes are tied together, and when something goes wrong in one area, it can affect every part of your lives together. When I see these people in marriage therapy, it’s just as likely that we will be discussing anger over lost clients or disagreements in the direction of the business as it is fights over a lack of communication or the loss of romance.

Houston Relationship Counselor: Questions to Ask Before Partnering in Business

Since there are potential benefits and drawbacks when going into business with a spouse, if you’re considering it the question isn’t really ‘should you or shouldn’t you,’ but how would you make it work and avoid having to go to marriage therapy? It’s important to ask yourself the hard questions before you really dive in or you might be surprised by the answers if you ever reach that point. Things like:

Who’s the boss? Is one of you willing to defer to the other? On everything or just in certain areas? If it’s going to be 50/50, how can you ensure that it stays that way?

How do you turn it off? One of the hardest things to do when you work together and have a relationship is shut off your business brain when it’s time to focus on the relationship. Will you have specific rules? Will you forgive each other for the inevitable slip-ups?

Which relationship is more important? Hopefully you won’t ever need to really answer this question in real life, but it’s not completely crazy to think about. What happens if you have a personal crisis that’s tanking the business? Do you put it aside to focus on work? What if one of you wants to do this and the other doesn’t?

The skills you learn talking with the Houston relationship counselor can really help you to navigate the rough waters of starting a business with your spouse.

/by

Houston Relationship Therapy: Inject Some Romance

Many of my Houston relationship therapy clients don’t come to see me because of some specific problem between them and their partner, but because the relationship has lost its luster. They feel unwanted, or that things have gotten into a boring rut. Does this mean that the relationship has run its course and this is just the way it is from now on?

Of course not! Over time, it’s normal and natural for us to become so comfortable with each other that the relationship may lose a bit of its newness and excitement, but that doesn’t mean things have to stay that way. You just need a bit of marriage help to inject some romance back into your relationship.

Tips to Bring the Romance Back from Houston Relationship Therapy

Since one of the hardest things to do is simply coming up with ideas to start, I wanted to offer these tips to give your marriage help. Obviously, don’t feel like you need to stick to the things here – the more unique and personal your own “tips,” the better!

Touch – a lot. After you’ve been with the same person for a while, and especially after you have children, couples tend not to touch each other as much until they’re ready for sex. Unfortunately, this causes you to lose much of the intimacy you had. Make a point to do things like hugging, holding hands, dancing, and giving each other massages – that don’t lead to sex. The point is to recreate a physical connection that doesn’t seem like it’s a means to an end.

Talk – and listen. Just as our smaller gestures of physical intimacy disappear, so can our active attempts to communicate with each other. Make it a point to ask your significant other how their day went and – more importantly – actually listen and respond. You might be surprised what you learn about each other, and even if most of what you hear is familiar, the simple act of listening and interacting will prove you care.

Plan surprises. It doesn’t have to be a big party or expensive jewelry – buy flowers, bring home dinner (just make sure nothing’s been planned first!), or do all of their chores for that day. If you can swing it, get the grandparents to take the kids for the night and have an adult evening at home.

Start dating. Setting a date night may not seem romantic, but it’s a lot better than not going out together at all. Plus, once you get in the groove, you’ll forget that it’s “scheduled” and just enjoy the alone time together.

For more tips on bringing back the romance, check out Houston relationship therapy.

 

/by