Houston Marriage Counselor: Not Wanting to Deal With the End

Not many things surprise me as the Houston marriage counselor when it comes to problems between spouses. People fight and drift away for countless reasons, and usually I feel like I’ve seen and heard everything before. But when the first couple came through my doors claiming that they needed relationship help because of difficulty planning their will, I almost thought they were kidding. After all, it’s just a legal document, and something all of us have to do eventually – especially if we have kids. How could something like that cause problems in a relationship?

Houston Marriage Counselor: “Don’t Make Me Think About It!”

What I quickly learned, though, was that many people simply didn’t want to deal with the prospect of their own death, even if all that meant was writing out some information on a piece of paper. But that wasn’t even the issue. The real problem was when that type of person married someone who just didn’t understand their hesitation.

From their point-of-view, their spouse was haranguing them about this awful, annoying thing that didn’t really need to be done anytime soon. Why should they make themselves think about something so horrible instead of living life? Was their spouse so morbid that death was all they thought about?

On the opposite side, their spouse couldn’t understand why they were avoiding dealing with something important that truly needed to be done. After all, something bad could happen at any moment. All they were doing by putting it off was potentially making life even more difficult for their kids.

Naturally, these opposing viewpoints don’t coexist very well – certainly not when couples’ emotions over the subject flare up into anger and arguments.

Houston Marriage Counselor: Talk about Why It’s Important to You

The thing that I quickly found was that neither person was really talking to the other about why the will and thinking about their own death was so important to them. Any time the subject came up, the person who wanted to avoid it would shut down or attack their spouse, while that person turned to accusations in their frustration.

Like any other subject, this is one that really requires you to talk to each other and figure out why you’re reacting the way you are. Ultimately, a will is something that needs to be done, but that doesn’t mean you can’t take it slowly and be respectful of one another.

If you or your spouse is having trouble writing your will or talking about the end, the Houston marriage counselor can help.

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Houston Marriage Therapy: Dealing With a Parent’s Death May Cause Problems

Few things affect my Houston marriage therapy patients more than having one or both of their parents die.

It’s completely understandable. These are the people who have always been there for you no matter what, and it can seem like they’re going to live forever. Many people can’t quite comprehend what life will be like without them. In dealing with their parents’ deaths, people go through a wide range of emotions and behaviors, and may end up in a prolonged depression, become manic, or suddenly want to change their lifestyle as they face the prospect of their own mortality.

For their spouse, this can be just as trying as he or she attempts to be as respectful and understanding as possible, while still fighting to maintain some sense of normalcy in their lives. Tensions can grow on both sides over time as the person grieving resents this “normalcy,” and the spouse becomes weary of the unexpected mood swings and trying to hold things together. Relationship issues aren’t uncommon.

Learn to Talk to Each Other in Houston Marriage Therapy

The key to surviving something like this is empathy – on both sides. In my sessions, I try to get both spouses to recognize what the other is going through and understand that many of their relationship issues are due to the fact that they aren’t communicating about their experiences.

Grieving spouses don’t have to be alone – their husbands or wives usually want to help them get through this grieving period, but that’s not possible unless they let them in. Moreover, opening yourself up in this way allows them to get a glimpse into where you are in the grieving process so that they can better know how they should behave around you.

It’s also vital for the person grieving to talk to their spouse so that they can see how much that person is trying to help and support them – even if that support is less emotional and more about keeping their lives functioning. Eventually, things have to return to normal – or at least some version of it – but engaging in this process together will make it happen much faster.

Couples who have tried talking to each other to work through their grief over a lost parent and don’t feel like they’re getting anywhere shouldn’t lose hope. Houston marriage therapy can help if you give us a call.

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Learn to Slow Down and Enjoy Your Partner in Houston Marriage Therapy

It didn’t take my Houston marriage therapy clients to show me that we’re living in a world where everyone is encouraged to move faster and faster if they want to succeed. No longer is it okay to return a call the next day; with cell phones, people know you got the message, so you’d better reply within a few hours. And with smartphones you can’t even get away with waiting a few hours to respond to emails. It’s right there in your hand, so why aren’t you answering it?

Some personalities are made for this kind of lifestyle, but others are not. When those two types of people end up together, it can cause relationship problems as one wants to go, go, go… and the other never quite seems to get started! Obviously, both ends of this spectrum can be problematic, but more and more I find myself dealing with people who simply don’t know how to turn off the speed of their work life and just relax with their partner.

Houston Marriage Therapy: Force Yourself to Unplug

The biggest problem that usually comes from being an Energizer Bunny is that you lose the ability to stop doing things constantly and find joy in the peace and quiet. This would be bad enough if it only affected you, but all too often I witness “connected” partners harassing their spouses for being too slow or even too stupid because they don’t have the ability or desire to jump from one thing to the next in the same way their spouse does.

On the other side of the equation, the “slow” spouse is hurt and frustrated that their spouse can’t just pay attention to them without doing twenty other things at the same time. Naturally, interactions like these cause relationship problems over time as resentment and anger builds up on both sides. If you want to put a stop to it, there’s really only one solution: unplug.

Cutting off your ability to interact in several different ways at once is something that many people find disconcerting at first, especially if they’ve been living that way for years, but it’s something you get used to faster than you would imagine. It helps if you realize that you have a problem and can talk out your differences with your partner, but this may be something that takes time.

Houston Marriage Therapy Can Get You and Your Spouse Moving at the Same Speed

If you just can’t make yourself slow down and disconnect enough to make a difference, it might be wise to mandate that time by calling Houston marriage therapy today and making an appointment.

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Houston Relationship Counselor: How Mid-Life “Deadlines” Can Help Your Marriage

As the Houston relationship counselor, I’ve had a lot of clients walk through my doors looking for marriage help because one or both of them were going through what they called a mid-life crisis. But when I ask them to describe what was happening, most detailed something that seemed much more specific than that, talking about this mental deadline they had to do certain things in their life and how they felt like it was looming – or had already passed!

Stress over this feeling of missing out on something in their lives had led to lots of fighting and anger on both sides as each of them felt both guilt for getting in their spouse’s way and hurt at apparently not being “enough” to keep them happy. These kinds of feelings are completely natural to have as we get older, and often they are made more difficult for couples because of the way many of us allow ourselves to grow apart over time. If you’re not careful, this is the kind of thing that can push you even further apart – but if you’re smart, it can instead be a way to bring you closer together.

Houston Relationship Counselor: Meet Those Deadlines – Together

You know what my advice is for most couples who come in seeking marriage help? Spend more time together doing new things and having fun. Now, I’m sure that not every item on your “deadline” list is going to be something that you can do together, but many of them probably will be. Share your “deadlines” with each other and cross them off together.

This way, you’re satisfying two needs at the same time as you get the satisfaction of completing some of your dreams while sharing it with the person you love. Even better, because it will likely be a new experience for both of you, you’ll be able to bond over it and make new memories that will stand out and remind you why you fell in love in the first place.

A Houston Relationship Counselor Can Help

But what if you have trouble sharing these dreams? Sometimes these can be highly personal and rooted in a youth where we might not even have known our spouse.

If you worry about your spouse’s reaction and want to talk to each other in a safe space, the Houston relationship counselor is always available to help.

 

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