Houston Marriage Counselor: Parenting Styles and Relationships

After relationship issues related to sex and money, one of the most common reasons couples come to see the Houston marriage counselor is due to problems or conflicts that arise because of their children.

Now, there are lots of issues that having kids can raise, one of the biggest being an inability to find time for your relationship and for physical intimacy. Often, though, that’s something that can be solved simply by making an effort to set aside time for dates and even scheduling sex. You’ll never feel like there’s enough time, so you just have to make a plan and stick to it as much as possible.

Something that can be harder to overcome is a difference in the way that you believe you should raise your children.

Houston Marriage Counselor: The Three Common Parenting Styles

Obviously most people don’t fall into a single category, but in general, it is possible to break parenting styles down in one of three ways: authoritarian, affirmative, and hands-off.

Authoritarian parents live by rules and punishments. Kids will do what they say not based on reasoning or even love, but because the parents are in charge and they say so. Having to explain undermines their authority, and they’re not afraid to be strict because they believe this will make their children respect and obey them.

Affirmative parents are still the ultimate authority, but they talk to their children and offer them choices. In this way, they believe that they are teaching their kids to think for themselves and learn to make decisions.

Hands-off parents are pretty much what they sound like. They argue that trying to impose structure and rules on their children limits them and makes it harder for them to operate in the adult world. By taking a step back and letting them figure things out for themselves, they’re helping their kids to grow.

As you might imagine, all of these styles have potential strengths and weaknesses. But that’s something that’s a lot easier to see when we’re not talking specifically about your kids. What happens when you and your spouse don’t agree?

Houston Marriage Counselor: Navigating Parental Differences

Our beliefs on how to raise our children are rooted in how we were brought up, making them inextricably intertwined with strong feelings. If you and your partner don’t share the same beliefs, you will likely find yourself butting heads over decisions and even blaming them when they go against you and something goes wrong.

This can cause all kinds of relationship issues, so it’s important to talk about bigger things ahead of time and work on your compromising skills. And when you do have disagreements in the moment, try to find a way to step aside so that you can talk about it in private rather than getting heated in front of your kids. And if it gets too difficult, the Houston marriage counselor is always willing to help.

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Houston Relationship Counseling: Toddlers Can’t Be In Love

That may seem like an odds subject for a Houston relationship counseling blog, but bear with me. What does every toddler want from mom and dad, more than anything else? It isn’t love – it’s attention.

If you’re a parent, then you know the mantra of young kids everywhere: “Watch me, mommy! Watch me, daddy!” When we’re little, we need attention to validate ourselves and define our self-importance, and we don’t really have a clear understanding that other people are, well, people. Our life is all about us, and the people around us are just supporting characters who exist to stroke our ego and help us do whatever it is that we want to do.

Luckily, this is a phase that we grow out of as we get older and start to recognize that we’re not the center of the universe – at least, most of us do!

Houston Relationship Counseling: Facebook and the “Me” Show

Unfortunately, there’s a growing trend among adults who frequent social media sites to obsess over every little detail of their life – and expect others to do the same. They post constantly about the most mundane things, and if their “friends” don’t give them validation in the form of Likes, comments, +1s, and so on, it can be a crushing blow.

When this phenomenon happens in relationships, it’s not uncommon for it to cause problems between couples and cause them to seek out marriage help. After all, how can you be expected to be okay with the fact that the person closest to you isn’t glued to every little drama in your life?

Worse, some people have even gotten into the habit of sharing personal information about their relationship and their better half online. Often they’ll pose it as their attempt to solicit advice, but most of the time it’s really just a way to garner attention. And as you might imagine, many spouses take this as a betrayal of trust.

And it’s just as bad when people become so self-obsessed that they can’t even take the time out to care about what’s going on with their partner. Couples drift apart and relationships break down because individuals become lost in their own little world where they are the star.

Learn to Look at Others in Houston Relationship Counseling

Somewhat ironically, the only real way to solve this problem is to encourage people to become more self-aware. Their tendency will be to interrupt and direct conversations back to them, so they have to actively work on listening to others, empathizing with their problems, and looking outside of themselves. This can be a long and arduous process, but Houston relationship counseling can provide the marriage help you need.

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Houston Relationship Counselor: Knowing Good Advice from Bad

I can’t tell you how many people come into my Houston relationship counselor offices with crazy theories about what’s wrong with their spouse or what they should do to fix their marriage issues. Almost without fail, when I ask where they heard that advice, they tell me that they read it online.

Now, I’m certainly not one to discount the internet—after all, you’re reading this blog over the internet, aren’t you? There is lots of valuable information about counseling and relationships to be gleaned online, but it’s also important to know how to separate the good from the bad.

Rules for Good Online Advice from the Houston Relationship Counselor

The thing about relationship advice—or any advice really—is that there’s technically no such thing as good or bad. What’s good for you might be bad for someone else, and vice versa. And people with years of experience can make mistakes just like anyone else. However, there is an overall trend that exists with the best advice out there and, if you’re trying to solve marriage issues online, it’s valuable to think about.

Professionals know what they’re talking about. I’ll be the first one to admit it—despite my degrees and years of experience, I make mistakes from time to time. But in the grand scheme of things, you’re a lot more likely to receive well-researched, professional advice from someone who counsels people for a living as opposed to a random person who decides to write about relationships on their blog.

Their belief system matches yours. Someone who counsels from a Christian viewpoint is likely to have different advice than a person who doesn’t believe in God at all. The same applies for therapists coming from a particular school of therapeutic thought. Before you take advice from someone, learn where they’re coming from.

The advice applies to your problem. All too often, people read something online that only partially relates to what they’re going through and try to follow that advice religiously. I call this the “WebMD effect,” where you see that headaches are a symptom of cancer and decide that you need chemo. If you’re going to follow advice, make sure it actually applies to your problem.

See if the Houston Relationship Counselor is Right for You

How do you know if I’m right for you? Well, to be perfectly honest, you don’t. Finding the right counselor isn’t easy, and both you and your partner need to feel comfortable in order therapy to work. That’s why I encourage people to set up an initial Houston relationship counselor session and give me a trial run—the only way to really know is to meet and talk.

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Find Out if Your Marriage Is Good in Houston Marriage Counseling

Couples in Houston marriage counseling often spend a lot of time talking about what’s wrong and where they need relationship help, but when I ask people to describe what a “good” relationship means to them, they’re often at a loss. Either that, or they resort to backhanded insults that are really immature clichés that we’re taught to believe about good relationships. That they’re easy. That those in good relationships don’t fight.

But the truth is that everyone argues and fights, and no long-term relationship is easy all the time. Making a partnership work for the long haul is hard work that tends to require sacrifices on both sides. And this isn’t just something that you have to do for a period of time before everything’s nice and rosy again—having a good relationship is an ongoing effort.

Houston Marriage Counseling: What Is a Good Relationship?

This is a highly personalized question but there are several specific things that couples can look for to see if they’re doing well or may need relationship help.

Do you fight productively? As I said above, we all fight. The difference for good, healthy couples is that they fight with the goal of resolving the problem and understanding each other better…at least eventually. The desire to “win” is a hard one to break.

Do you work for balance? The longer we’re in a relationship, the more crowded it often becomes. We gain more responsibility at work. We have kids. When other responsibilities get in the way, you can either give in and put your marriage on the backburner or you can work hard to make it a priority, too.

Do you know what your partner thinks? Since what’s “good” is personal, it’s important not only to think about what “good” means to you but also what it means to your partner. The healthiest relationships are the ones where people appreciate each other’s desires and try to meet in the middle.

Get Relationship Help in Houston Marriage Counseling

If you feel like your relationship doesn’t meet those standards or you’re just not sure how to answer those questions, it doesn’t hurt to talk to an outside party. Sometimes it can be difficult to put our emotions into words but if you’re looking to improve your relationship, Houston marriage counseling can help.

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