Houston Relationship Counselor: Balancing Work and Marriage

It’s my job as a Houston relationship counselor to think about marriages and how to help couples fully appreciate one another. But what happens when your job doesn’t require you to think about relationships—and maybe is so consuming that you often ignore your significant other? In today’s work-oriented culture, many people are working significantly more than a 40 hour work week, and long hours at the office can often lead to stress and marriage problems. So what can you do if work is taking a toll on your love life?

Tips for Finding a Balance from the Houston Relationship Counselor

Leave work at work. As much as possible, have a designated area for work and a designated area for your personal life. If you do find yourself needing to take work home from the office, set up a den or home office as a specific space to do that work. Try to avoid being on your phone or laptop before going to bed—not only can the practice of working in your bedroom cause sleeping issues,  it can lead to marriage problems as your partner might resent you bringing your work life into a shared personal area.

Set aside time specifically for your partner. Your work week may be hectic, but nobody can work 24 hours a day. Find a time when you’re not at work and spend that time with your partner, doing something that you both enjoy and that you find relaxing. Make sure that you use this time to really talk to one another and make sure that you know what’s going on in each other’s lives. Don’t let yourself get too caught up talking or thinking about work, though.

When possible, take a break! You’re less productive when you’re stressed out and overwhelmed by work, and most businesses know that. If work has gotten too stressful and it’s possible for you to take a day off, do so. Take a long weekend with your significant other; do something outside like going for a hike, or have a relaxing staycation at home. Don’t make any plans that the two of you have to stick to and enjoy not having anywhere to be for a few days. After a long weekend, you’ll likely feel recharged and more capable of dedicating time to both work and your relationship.

Talk to a Houston relationship counselor. Sometimes if you’re in the midst of marriage problems and you’re swamped with work, it can be difficult to figure out what to do. You may want to repair your relationship, but you don’t know how to do that when you’ve got work stress on your plate as well. When that happens, consider talking to a Houston relationship counselor who can help you and your partner come up with ways to focus on your marriage.

/by

Applying Positive Psychology With Houston Marriage Counseling

In my Houston marriage counseling practice, I’m always looking for interesting articles about the psychology behind relationships. I read an interesting study recently that discussed how marriage researcher John Gottman recorded married couples’ conversations over entire weekends, then found the ratio of positive comments to negative comments. He found that a 5:1 ratio (five positive comments for every one critical comment) predicted a strong relationship, while fewer positive comments per critical ones predicted relationship issues.

Reading that study reinforced for me what I’m always encouraging my clients to do in Houston marriage counseling—open up an honest dialogue and verbalize the things you like about your partner. Positivity, as long as it’s genuine, goes a long way. Here are a few specific techniques you can use to apply positive psychology to your relationship.

Houston Marriage Counseling: Tips for Using Positive Psychology

Don’t just think it, say it. Have you ever thought that your partner looked particularly good one night, or recognized that your partner was being especially kind… But you didn’t tell them? Next time you think something nice about your partner, say it out loud. This will show your partner how much you appreciate them, and it will remind you to be more aware when your partner is doing something positive.

Don’t take the little things for granted. Maybe your partner’s been cooking your favorite dinner every Tuesday night for the past 20 years, but you’ve never thought to say anything, because it’s such a regular occurrence. Well, say something next time to show how much this little gesture of love means to you. Your partner may be pleasantly surprised by this acknowledgement.

If you must request a change, make it constructive and caring. Before blurting out a negative comment about your partner, think it through. End all criticism, including ‘constructive’ criticism, because it’s negative.  All criticism is Self-criticism.  

A complaint kindly stated is more effective and connecting. How does your disappointed/angry/sad feeling connect to an unmet need of yours?

There’s nothing wrong with some constructive feedback in a relationship, because you certainly wouldn’t want to hold back something that’s upsetting you. That could lead to bigger relationship issues. However, make sure that your comments are genuinely meant to build your relationship.  

Make relationship requests SMART: 

  • Specific
  • Measurable
  • Attainable
  • Relevant to your unmet need
  • Time-limited (ideally, done within a couple weeks)

Let your partner know how these behavior changes could help you feel better – rather than just saying something to hurt your partner because you’re tired or angry. 

When they do fulfill a specific request of yours, you may be amazed at how good it can feel. Tell them that, too! Use appreciation to build them up for making an effort. 

Are you interested in learning more about positive psychology and how it can help your relationship? Visit Houston marriage counseling, and I’d be happy to talk to you and your partner about the subject.

/by

Houston Relationship Counselor: Learning to Love Unconditionally

As a Houston relationship counselor, I know that it’s easy to love your partner when everything is going well… but much harder to love when you’re struggling through family or marriage problems. Unfortunately, the times when things are going badly are the times that your partner needs your love and support the most, and it’s during these times that you need to love unconditionally.

What Is Unconditional Love, Really? Houston Relationship Counselor Explains

You’ve probably heard the phrase “unconditional love” and have some understanding of what it means, but what does it look like in practice? When you love someone unconditionally, you give them your love without expecting anything in return.

This can be difficult if you and your partner are working through marriage problems, and your partner isn’t as warm and open with you as he or she once was. If your partner’s behavior has made you feel good in the past but isn’t anymore, it can be all too easy to change your own behavior and become withdrawn and distant as well. The important thing to remember is that if you love someone unconditionally, you can’t just love their best qualities. You have to love them as a whole person.

In my work as a Houston relationship counselor, I see a lot of couples who are struggling to love their partner in this “whole” way because their marriage problems are causing emotional pain. Unconditional love means doing what you can to help a partner who is suffering emotionally, even if you are suffering as well. Your support and acceptance is the best thing that you can give your partner during times of strife. Even if you feel that your partner is the one who has wronged you, offering them genuine forgiveness is a way to show that you love them unconditionally.

Unconditional Love Takes Work

Of course, it can be difficult to let go of resentment when you feel like your trust has been betrayed, and in this kind of situation, it’s important to dialogue with your partner about your feelings because you can’t love unconditionally when you’re holding on to negative feelings. If you need help figuring out how to start this kind of conversation, a Houston relationship counselor can help you and your partner. If you and your partner can use therapy to learn how to love each other fully, you’ll be building the foundations of a lasting relationship.

/by

Learn Your Partner’s Emotional Cues in Houston Marriage Counseling

In my Houston marriage counseling center, one of my primary goals is to help couples become better at dialoguing with one another. Open and honest communication builds trust and intimacy, which strengthens any relationship.

However, being able to understand your partner’s nonverbal cues is also a valuable skill to develop when you’re looking for relationship help. For example, if you can easily sense when your partner is stressed or upset, you can start a dialogue with them to get to the source of the problem. If your partner is not someone who likes to talk about their feelings, detecting their emotional cues is a good way to start a conversation and get them to be more open with their feelings.

Houston Marriage Counseling Tips for Reading Nonverbal Cues

Many times, nonverbal cues are fairly evident. For example, if your partner walks into the room frowning, doesn’t make eye contact, and has poor posture, this should be an indication that something is wrong and that the two of you should dialogue.

However, sometimes nonverbal cues are slightly harder to pick up on. Sometimes a partner will say something like “I’m fine,” but their body language seems to indicate otherwise. What’s a partner to do to better understand what their lover really means?

One easy piece of relationship help I can offer is to suggest that you concentrate on making eye contact with your partner. A lot of emotion is conveyed through the eyes, and maintaining eye contact is a sign of trust and comfort with the person you are talking to. If you don’t understand what a partner’s eyes, body language, or facial expression are conveying, don’t just keep wondering—ask them to talk about how they’re feeling. This will help you better understand your partner’s emotional cues in the future and will give them the opportunity to share a part of themselves that they might have otherwise kept quiet.

It’s also important to spend as much in-person time with your partner as possible. This may seem obvious and not something that you need to come to Houston marriage counseling to learn, but because so much of the communication we as a society do these days is over the phone, through texting, or by email, we’re losing our ability to easily read other’s emotional cues. Face-to-face time with your partner during which you make an effort to pay attention to their emotional cues can strengthen your relationship.

If you want to learn more about how to use nonverbal communication to open up a dialogue, I highly encourage you to visit Houston marriage counseling.

/by