People often seek relationship advice when the fighting starts to become such a huge problem that it’s the most prominent form of communication. As two individuals with separate needs and desires, it is only natural for you to have your differences, but here’s the good news: it doesn’t always have to result in an argument. You just need to master the art of the compromise.
Compromising doesn’t mean just giving in to your partner, nor does it mean that you have to agree. Instead, it means that together you have come to an agreement about a solution that accommodates your differences in opinion.
Don’t worry about being right. Trying to “win” the argument isn’t going to make things better. It will just lead to more fighting. Instead try to find alternatives that make room for both of your opinions. That way, you both win. Remember that a part of each of us exists in the unconscious that will always feel a ‘need’ to win, be better than, get love any way it can, defend against ‘hurt,’ etc. It will always ‘worry about being right.’ Gently soothe this part of your Ego while choosing to live in the Present with your Real Self that is powerful and attuned to your Core Values.
Be aware of your emotional state. Did you enter the discussion ready for a fight? Sometimes when we expect resistance from our partner, we unintentionally create it by putting our spouse on the defensive. Perhaps the most valuable piece of relationship advice I can give on this topic is: take a break if you need to. You want to talk about the issue when you have the time and patience to be respectful with one another.
Take turns. You both should have the opportunity to explain your feelings on the matter. When it’s your partner’s turn to talk, really listen. Don’t interrupt. Focus on trying to understand what he or she has to say. You don’t have to agree with it, but the more you understand about your partner’s point of view, the easier it will be to come up with a compromise that works for both of you. If you find you’re having trouble with this process, sometimes it can be helpful to work with a Houston marriage counselor.
Don’t criticize. Remember, the goal isn’t to show that your partner is wrong. You want to find a compromise that addresses your concerns as well as your partner’s. You may both have to give on certain things, so express the areas that you are willing to compromise on and those that are most important to you.
Get Relationship Advice Sooner Rather Than Later
Don’t wait until things get really bad to get help. Learning communication skills can help you prevent bigger problems in the future. Talk to a Houston marriage counselor today for relationship advice.
